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To whom it may concern: YOU DON'T KNOW ME LIKE THAT!

I really hate being misunderstood and judged and I can't help but feel that way today. Let me explain.

I was on twitter and I asked a question, I tweeted "if God had a formspring what questions would you like to ask?" (In case you don't know is where you can have an account and people can ask you questions anonymously)

So my homie Shach tweeted at me "what would you ask?" I had never actually thought what I would ask. I mean I have loads of questions for God but I understand that many of the questions I have will not be answered this side of the grave for example the ones posed in this short youtube clip:

So what I replied shach was "I would ask God what do I need to do to be successful?" and I honestly would like God to let me know that right now. Someone else hopped into the conversation from nowhere (as it happens on twitter) and said "So your first thought is a selfish one? Fail" and then the same person tweeted to me "To be honest that's genuinely sad. You're one of 7 billion people; success may be the point when you see them all as equals"

I have to say I was a bit baffled because the question I posed wasn't asked in a deep frame of mind and because right now I'm thinking of what success really means beyond the normal personal gain and money/possession acquisition definition of success needless to say I felt misunderstood. I tried to explain this then this same person tweeted "The question wasn't about success, simply "what would you ask"? For me, ending AIDS and malaria would be high up the list" before this, the same person had tweeted "It's not about God - it's about whether you give a damn about other people. See Jesus, Ghandi, MLK for more info"

So it appears my question is selfish and sad. Is my question not valid and legitimate? Is it wrong? For me succeeding (well one of my definitions of success) is finding a way to help young people and enriching their lives and not just gaining wealth and possessions although I would like that too but I felt like the question I would ask God was misunderstood and undermined.

I hate being misunderstood. I hate people assuming that they know me and this is what happens in social networking whether it is on twitter, facebook or whatever, it gives the illusion that folks really know you like that. It gives the feeling of familiarity and all of a sudden folks think they can neatly define and categorise you. They think they have you all figured out and even relate to you based on this "knowledge" they think they have of you. Sometimes folks don't really wanna know you, they just wanna know if you fit into a pre-conceived notion they have in their heads.

I felt let down because I expected this person to know better but I realise I've made the same mistake. I've assumed that based on the some social networking interaction that this person is non-judgemental and open minded enough not to assume they "know" me like that and that already set me up to be let down.

I felt like this person who is an atheist by the way and has a certain view of black churches which focuses on materialistic prosperity (which I actually agree with and speak about frequently) has cast me in the same shadow. So now that I have said my question to God would be "what am I meant to do right now to be successful?" It has been placed in that same materialistic context when I'm against that. For me it was just an honest question I would ask because right now and acutally for a long while I have been redefining what success is in my mind.

If that makes me sad and selfish to someone else who should know better or doesn't even really know me like that then so be it. It shouldn't upset me because you don't know me like that! I guess I allowed it because I thought this person would know better.

I guess I'm just going to mark this down as a lesson learned, or more accurately a lesson re-learned.

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Baliva said...

I feel your pain bro! but you don't have to justify your self, i bet even after this blog you will still have some who think that way about you. Surely God knows you better than us and his opinion of you is what matters.

Desiree said...

Twitter is a very difficult platform to express yourself fully on more deep convos/questions like the one you posed. Mind you any questions about God will most likely bring about all sorts of people with their own mindsets that are set in stone and are inflexible.

I would say to you my FB brother is to aim to be more flexible than them. Understand that whilst their words may seem personal most times it's a reflection on where they are and what they think. It's the wonderment of diversity which goes way beyond ethnicity, gender and creed.

And it's a wonderful opportunity for you to explore other aspects of your own thoughts, provoke others thoughts and grow.

Carry on doing what your doing - your style is admired by people that get you.

Anonymous said...

Co sign the two posts above. And especially if we come from different backgrounds and cultures. It can be a case of speaking the same language yet your speaking a different language and clashing at the same time. Like a certain author said,

"Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely the meaning of one's statements to them. Because understanding is risky. If i llet myself really understand another person, i might be changed by that understanding. And we all fear change. It is not an easy thing to permit oneself to understand an individual, to enter thouroughly and completely into their frame of reference. It is also a rare thing. To understand is enriching in a double way."

Sometimes it is not what we say, but the way we say it and with what intention.


Anonymous said...

Dear Karlos, um...are you on your period? Why the hell does a voice in the electronic wilderness matter so much to you? (Apart from my own of course!) I am tempted to say 'get over it' but I know what ya saying too...but get over it! Lol!

I would ask God for a tub of icecream if that's what I wanted gotdammit! People barely know themselves never mind expecting a deep understanding of their soul from Twitter! Ah! Ah! Go write a tune and stop 'wayssing' ma time my friend! (The last bit said in full Naijan flow or it won't work!)

The anonymous one who isn't from Facebook at all!!!

Anonymous said...


Last weekend i was in london and decided to go to the cinema with a friend. So anyway, we got in and sat down, the usaual adverts blah blah blah, and then they decided to play sound tracks and all *rolls eyes*.

There was this black couple sitted at the front row seat, who i noticed first because they were black (for some reason black londoners seem to always catch my attention for all sorts of reasons)but i guess the girl's hair caught my attention first because it was natural and she had done it a certain way and put a flower in it, and she looked nice but also because it is a rare sight to see natural hair for black females.

My focus was soon taken away from her when i noticed the way her date was seated , i mean the guy was sliding down the chair and seated in an uncomfortable position so i thought, and since he was tall, i thought that maybe it was because the seats were too low or something. Anyway, back to the sound track that was playing lol, so my friend asked me whether i recognised the sound track, to which i replied that i didn't, but honestly i couldn't be bothered what it was, so i was told what it was nevertheless, that it was some sound to some movie which had this actor running up the stairs (i think he was acting as a boxer or something)

As i was still listening to my friend telling me the background of this sound track, this black male gets up and moves, and stands at the bottom of the stairs, i thought he was going to the loo or something before the movie started, but then i looked at his date and she was laughing, so i looked round and wondered what she was laughing at as the movie hadn't started and the adverts were not showing (it was a blank screen at the time), and then my friend told me how this man was going to do what was done in the movies.

I didn't take my friend seriously anyway, i thought, no one in their right minds would do this anyway. But the more i looked at his date laughing with tears almost in her eyes, i started to believe it. I started to cringe and was asking myself, did it really have to be a black man doing this? So, he ran up the stairs anyway, threw his punches and came back down and sat. And my friend's conclusion was that this guy had a sense of humour(not that there were many people laughing anyway), but i felt so embarrassed because it was a black man doing this. I am still not buying the idea that it is a sense of humour, maybe it only hit me because i don't live in london and maybe these things happen so often there that people are so used to them and it is actually funny. ???

But did it really have to be a black man, maybe i missed something? Anyway, i guess London can be that exciting sometimes. smh

Anonymous said...

Which reminds me of some friends who visited Scotland some years back. We got on a bus, and on scottish bus transport, you can pay on the bus and get a ticket there and then, maybe a day ticket or a weekly pass, anyway, these friends of mine paid for a day ticket and got a a kind of long small ticket, and then they started laughing and mocking the size and nature of the ticket.

Anyway, we sat and reached our detination not to mention they were kind of rowdy(another reason to cringe), but anyway, we came back and as we were getting off i said thank you to the driver( which is common practise in Scotland, most of the times), and then they turned round to me and asked me why i was thinking the driver *raises eyebrow*, had they said this quietly without the driver and passengers hearing, i would not have bothered at all, but they had to go and display their arrogance and then jump off the bus without saying thank you. I am not saying that everyone does it or even that the bus drivers would acknowledge it you all the time, but it was their reaction to saying thank you that baffled me. Having said that, when i am in london, i wouldn't say thank you to a bus driver, maybe a taxi driver, because folks just jump off and seem to be in a different world. lol. I wonder what would happen if a said thank you? Whether i would be stared at in disbelief. Hmmmmm.. that's a thought i would like to dare try next time. *sighs*

Anonymous said...

erm i was gonna post a comment but some of the comments r longer than ur post :)

i think people in general have big mouths. Either they say it to ur face or behind ur back.

On the flip side i find that i get more love for my achievements from people who hardly know me than those who have known me for years. Its kind of the 'isnt that Jesus the carpenter's son?' Isnt that MM from Unilag? They remember who you were n stay there...not realising that progress and success are action 2 cents

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